The Undie Run

It's Time for the Blogosphere's Favourite Game...

2007-01-19T01:57:00.000+11:00

IS IT REAL???

Yes readers here is where I personally can't figure out wether it's real or not so I am leaving it up to you.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JM6CGF3rUHM&mode=related&search=
enjoy,
-Grundie

Munted be thy middle name..or is it her's??

2007-01-03T19:26:00.000+11:00

Hey Man,

I'd like to take this opportunity to welcome you to the new year and wish "The Undie Run"s (small and ever diminishing) readership all the best for 2007 , HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! ( Sorry Zundie facts is facts my friend.)

Anyways.....the end of 2006 brought me alot of pleasure in terms of festive good will and friendship ....it even showed the possibilty of a blossoming romance for yours truly.

Until today.

Man she was so hot, just really nice ya know??

Working in a suburban shopping centre over the past 6 - 7 months has been a real shift for me in terms of environment and general work ettiqutte, a real eye opener with limitless opportunities............for a single dude like myself.

.....yeah this is where the love interest makes her entrance.

She works in a jewellery store and i noticed her ,ohh lets say....about a month ago, i was walking past and saw her setting up a display (or some shit) inside the shop window....."fuck man she's gorgeous" i thought to myself ( i was gonna say "Chundie" thought to himself, but talking in the third person is for cockheads man).

She returned my gaze...and it was well recieved...(.she's got these badass sexy as blue eyes, that make you wanna fall on the floor and have a fit everytime you look into them) and over the next few weeks , flirty glances, smiles and distant hello's were exchanged at will....

Twas the night before the night before christmas ( yes the 23rd) and i thought "allright you softcock put it on her"...(i mean ask her out) so around lunchtime i stumbled across her walking out for a durry brake, so i pulled her up, we talked a bit of shit (about christmas) and introduced ourselves.. i then suggested we should catch up sometime for lunch, which she accepted with open arms and told me just to drop in.

Fuckin' sweet....

As fate (and work commitments) would have it i couldnt "drop in" to the 29th ,the first day of my 5 day break...(yeah i know i was at work on my day off....chasing her....making it look like i had other shit to do as well) .

I saw her around 1.00 pm standing outside her shop..i wont go into what she was wearing, but she looked shit hot...so i hit her up (asked her out) and she said yeah but she had to wait.

I waited for an hour and a half..... i got tired of walking around my workplace...on my day off.. seeing people i know...looking like one of those despo fucks that hang around shopping centres...and i went back for the last time to which she told me to wait, but i couldnt..i was over it...and given the awkward situation i was in, the only possible solution was to pass on my number (hey i had to go man it was bad)...to which she took and apologised for fucking me around....and being so cunt struck...or in love...or whatever..... i didn't mind.

5 days passed...and guess what......yeah no call..not even a new year's message!

Fuck...what did i do...or didn't do??

I realize i might have broken the rules of engagement, as Zundie pointed out to me (but really, in 2007 who gives a toss, arnt we all equality n' stuff..... another time) but i didnt care, what was my alternative...to hang around like a love sick puppy....fuck that.

So on the 3rd of January i swallowed my pride and strolled in there again....in my lunch break...and in my time again...to ask her if she was hungry...ever so casual...with tongue planted firmly in cheek ...to which she replied "i cant, too busy" i frowned playfully and she came over talked some crap about her new years party and how it was the same day as her birthday...and ohh yeah, how i should know she has a boyfriend!!! what the?? and how we can still go for lunch.??...ahh no missy we cant...i rejected..she came closer, looked at me with those badass sexy as blue eyes, "are you sure?" she said with a wink.

Ok so about now a mixture of emotions is flowing freely within my munted soul.. confusion...heartbreak ..but mainly disgust....fuck man i didnt know if she thought she was doing me a favor or suggesting she would cheat on her boyfriend.??....either way , i didnt handle it well i shook my head at her, mumbled something and walked out.

Keep in mind that this is my interpretation of events....and i'm not, generally, a diluted sort of guy.

For the record....i dont cut grass...it's a dog act ...and would be pissed if i had a missus that cheated on me.

She is so hot though man.

Fucking minx.

I am positive i had the right impression....just at the wrong time

What a bastard of a way to start the new year.........

slackass

2006-12-28T21:44:00.000+11:00

Readers aplogies are owed me thinks......yeah yeah i know, i posted an entry some time ago boasting this and that, talkng loud and saying nothing, iv'e promoted a re-vamp and not delivered, sprayed emotions all over the world wide web and come out second best.....for that i apologise....my name is Chundie and i am a slackass..brb

...Dumbass

2006-11-09T02:11:00.000+11:00

Here we have an excerpt from the song "Sarah" by Eskimo Joe

Sarah,
Won't you tell me your name

I think her names Gretchen... moron.

Holy Unshaven Upper Lips Batman!

2006-11-08T15:08:00.000+11:00

Movember has reached unfathomoble popularity this year, It used to be just this little thing a few of your moronic mates did, and now, you can't walk down the street without a moustache staring you in the face, they are quite literally TAKING MOVER!!!!
Most guys I mo are doing it, hell even the other two writers are doing it, and sweet Moses some women are doing it too! I don't mo what to do, grow a mo, or just go with my original plan and stay mo-less for this month?
Are any of these people even raising money for prostate cancer or male depression? If they aren't then whats the freaking point, other than to look like Ron Jeremy for a month.
I fear next Movember, there will be a world wide campaign that will be supported with advertising and more media attention than any other cause, but of course like at the moment, the charity side of it will become secondary to the actual task of growing the mo and before we mo it, November will be renamed Movember and it will be law to grow your mo, and not doing mo will result in the most severe punishmonts you could imogine.
So...
If you are participating in this month long horror show, please remember to raise some money for the causes you are supposedly supporting, don't just do it for the sake of it, the consequences will morph our society as we mo it.

Breast Cancer Month

2006-11-02T00:10:00.000+11:00

Okay, now that October (aka “breast cancer month”) is over, can we please stop packaging otherwise desirable consumer products in pink packaging?

I’ve got nothing against breast cancer research. In fact, I’m all for healthy boobs! And will generally throw change in a bucket or buy a ribbon for any flavour of cancer, or whatever the cause of the day happens to be.

Something I don’t do however, is wear pink. I don’t care if it’s a polo shirt with the collar up or the lid on a Mount Franklin bottle. If it’s pink I’m not going there.

Some people may suggest this anti pink policy is slightly homophobic. I say blokes who’re into pink are poofters!

Okay maybe that poofter bit was harsh, but wearing pink isn’t particularly masculine. No self respecting aussie bloke is going to opt for anything in pink. That extends to your newspaper, your tomato sauce bottle, and your Dove moisturiser.

So what’s a bloke to do? Shun breast cancer or look like a fairy? Sorry breast cancer, you lose.

If you disagree. If your into pink. If you think I’m being disrespectful to breast cancer. Ask yourself this; how would you feel about having a bowel cancer month with everything packaged in brown?

Funnier than "Angina"

2006-10-31T14:39:00.000+11:00

Late one night I was watching Conan O'Brian & I think I saw probably their funniest sketch ever. It left me in laughing like a hyena on acid and my god I just wanted to see it again!!! through the magical world of youtube.com I am not only able to watch this piece of baffoonery over and over, but I am also able to share it with you, our loyal readers... or reader... anyway here's the link.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ueaXKDURuY
Enjoy guys
-Grundie

Allow me to introduce myself

2006-10-27T01:12:00.000+10:00

How's it goin loyal readers? tap..tap..tap...yeah zundie this thing is on. Allow me to introduce myself, my names chundie, well it's not but i dont need to explain the theme now do i?

About two and a bit years ago i was approached by my mate Zundie( the bloke who runs this show) to read a blog called "the undie run" that he had started up. Iv'e never had much time for blogs myself as ive always kinda found them to be loaded with pretension, general wank and opinionated bullshit that most people would never read anyway.

Two and a bit years on he's still into blogs,talking about blogs..titshafting blogs..but as far as writing for his own...he's let his game slip a little ( which is keeping to his form of never finishing anything he starts)

This is where i come in, im here to contribute 'cause i think this blog could do with a makeover visually and spritually cause this blog, this.."undie run" has some real potential.

Anyways im not here to change the face of blogging, be a knob and try and railroad it, i'd like to just help my mates blog out, offload some off my own crap and whinge a bit too.

Allow me to introduce myself....the names chundie.

Changes & Holidays are as Good as Eachother

2006-10-26T17:06:00.000+10:00

Readers,
This is Bundie, But I shall now be known as Grundie... It may take some getting used to but I'm sure you will all cope.
I could really go some lamb shanks right now...
-Grundie

Angina

2006-10-04T21:59:00.000+10:00

I was reading through some documents today and encountered the word “angina”. I promptly burst into a riotous fit of laughter. Such is my maturity level.

“Angina” is one of the funniest words in the English language, for no other reason than that it rhymes with “vagina”. I guess it’s ironic that the word “angina” is even funnier than the word “vagina”.

Angina. Vagina. The more you think about it the funnier it gets!

So, rolling around the floor laughing at the word “Angina” it occurred to me that I didn’t really know exactly what it meant. At a guess I thought it to be a disease or infection of some sort, but was fairly uncertain. Time to consult the internet…

Google was incredibly helpful (in a practical and unfunny manner). Hit no. 1 was this, which explains exactly what it is, in all its dull glory. Chest pains caused by your heart muscle not getting enough blood, or some shit. However I was more amused that they offered pronunciation – “(an-JI-nuh or AN-juh-nuh)”. I imagine many people would be reluctant to say the word until they were totally sure the pronunciation was correct. I especially enjoyed the alternative pronunciation, for those who still remained unwilling to say “angina”. I guess it’s like the Target / Tar-jjay thing.

It also goes on to say there are three types of angina; stable, unstable, and variant. I challenge anyone to say “variant angina” three times fast.

Dictionary.com features an audio pronunciation tool which would be great fun, but I’m not paying $20 membership fee to hear my computer say “angina” …although it is very tempting.

I also visited rhymeZone.com which didn’t offer anything side-splittingly funny but I should note that “angina” and “vagina” also rhyme with “Republic of China” and “North Carolina”. (I’m sure all the poets and songwriters out there are making a note of that!)

And finally to round out my research, just for shits and giggles I checked in with Urbandictionary.com which offered the following:

1) Formally known as Angina Pectoris. A defect of coronary circulation, characterized by paroxysmal pain below the sternum.
2) An endless source of humour to 14 year old boys. - "Hey Todd, your momma told me that she has acute angina!"
3) When the Taint tears and all that is left is a hole that is the anus and vagina. - While pleasuring herself with a Louisville Slugger, she tore herself a new Angina

No.1 is boring, and No.3 is a little further than I’d planned to take it. So, No.2 is closest to the mark, but not altogether accurate as I’m in my late twenties and endlessly amused, particularly by “acute angina”. I feel it would be more accurate to say “an endless source of humour to good hearted people of all ages”

And that my friends is The Undie Run’s investigation into Angina. Thank you for listening. …I mean reading.

I knew there was a reason I stopped blogging.

Tap. Tap. Errr....Is This Thing On?

2006-03-22T10:11:00.000+11:00

Well, well, well. I’m surprised this site still exists. I’d have thought Blogger would shut down inactive blogs, like Hotmail do with dormant email accounts. I guess The Undie Run is proof they don’t. What’s even more surprising is that about 2500 people have bothered to visit in the last couple of years, despite no new posts. To all those people; sorry, but no, I’m not giving you those five minutes of your life back.

After a few months of Blogging in Mid 2004 I hadn’t become the respected writer and celebrity I assumed my blog would make me. So I said to myself “this bands going nowhere, I’m leaving” and left. With no tears or fan-fare I might add.

Which begs the question why come back? Hmmm… I don’t know really. It certainly isn’t for the readers. Or the fame. Or the money. Or the chicks.

I guess the main reason to start again is because of pressure from Bundie and weak promises of interesting and regular contributions from a couple of other people. In any case I have decided to start writing again.

Please, save your applause for the end.

Oh, hang on. It is the end, feel free to applaud.

2006-03-22T00:59:00.000+11:00

Hey readers,

I wasn't kidding, we are f'n back!
The Undie Run has returned from the trash can of obscurity and we will pioneer to make this blog bigger, better and full of letters & words arranged in a way that some of you readers may be able to understand it and perhaps find it some what humorous, dare I say hilarious...

...But anyway,

Just for the record this isn't Zundie, it's Bundie posting under his name cause I forgot my password. However Zundie promises a big post soon, keep a look out. But for now, enjoy my post...

Last year was the weakest year in music that I had ever experienced in my life, seriously can you think of anything good that came out in 2005? But in amongst all that dreg that came out last year emerged 2 albums System Of A Down's Mezmerize/Hypnotize.

I don't even know where to begin describing how good they are, it's just music at it's finest, sometimes fastest, and mostly wierdest, But System just manage to pull it off in such a graceful way where nothing feels forced and the two albums just have a great natural flow from start to end.

Don't mess around readers, if you haven't yet purchased these albums, do so, for no other reason than trying something new. I realize most people don't really like heavy metal and can often reject it before they listen but System deserve your time they will provide you with an exraordinary experience that will make an impact on your music life.

Stay freeasy
-Bundie
P.S. It's good to be back

Wow I do give a rats

2006-03-20T21:20:00.000+11:00

Greetings Loyal Readers,
Guess who's back with a brand new rap?
Well, it's not Zundie, but rumour has it that he will be back soon enough, till then you have me, Bundie!
It gives me great joy to write the first post in what has been, a long time between drinks, about 1 and a half years to be exact, but who's counting? and where's my drink?
Anyway people, stay posted
Stay Freeasy
love Bundie
P.S. Rumour also has it that we will be hiring more writers, but more on that in future posts

I couldn't give a rats

2004-09-27T19:20:00.000+10:00

I QUIT
I'm sorry loyal viewers but I'm bailing out of this site
"but why Bundie, why must you go?" I hear you ask
well heres a small list of reasons I can't be fuct keeping up this site anymore
-I honestly don't care anymore
-I get nothing from writing
-Zundie doesn't update it anyway
-I honestly don't care anymore
-I left the stove on
-I have better things to do
-Noone visits the site
-I honestly don't care anymore
-If anyone does visit the site they sure as hell don't take the time to comment
-It's a half arsed site anyway
-Bloggers are strange people and I'm not one of them
-I honestly don't care anymore

and with that I shall leave, but I shall leave you with a CD review, I may or may not be back, don't wait up for me :)

BUNDIE'S CD REVIEW

Red Hot Chili Peppers - "Live in Hyde Park"
I'm a big Chili Peppers fan, They never set a foot wrong with me, until lately. RHCP have avoided releasing a new album since they released "By The Way" but what they have released is "Off The Map" (live concert DVD), "Greatest Hits", "Live at Slane Castle" (live concert DVD) and "Live in Hyde Park" (The album I am currently reviewing), which all have one thing in common; They all feature all the old songs and singles with about 2 or 3 new songs to make them feel like they are releasing new albums, F'N SELLOUTS!!!!! Nah I don't care that much, "..Hyde Park" probably would have been a very cool concert to go to, but listening to a recording of it doesn't cut it justice. The Chili's have a big habit of improvising and when you are AT the concert its cool but listening to the fuck ups over and over again gets annoying, especially some of the bad improvs that almost ruin a song, The most annoying improvs are the ones that are just jam outs from songs that go for ten minutes that are generally messy, sloppy and unnessessary, especially the song "Flea's trumpet treated by John" which has John Frusciante jamming with an effect on his guitar that sorta sounds like a trumpet for a good solid 9 minutes, very boring. The new songs and the cover songs are all good and sound alright, especially the new almost single "Leverage of Space" that song rocks, John Frusciante's "I Feel Love" is very headachey yet catchy, .
All and all "Live in Hyde Park" is a pretty lame album, It feels like they made it so they can have a few more songs to put on an upcoming "B-Sides" album that is RUMOURED to be coming out for christmas, and I will be writing a letter to Flea if they release one more fucking greatest hits live album.
4/10. If you are a psycho RHCP fan like myself, buy it, if you are any less, don't bother, when you could buy an album like...

Green Day - "American Idiot"
With the latest string of pop/punk/emo/wussy bands that have been coming out lately (Simple Plan, New Found Glory, Blink 182, Good Charlotte, etc) it's refreshing to see that one band that were the founders of the pop punk genre coming back out and showing the kids how it is done. It is very much a Green Day album with the added "story" theme in which a couple of songs are divided into 5 epic parts and it talks about a character called Jesus ofSuburbia. Green Day have stuck to the style they are popular for but they have improved on their writing abilitys musically and ESPECIALLY lyrically, Billy Joes political interest has given the music new dimension.
8/10. They have matured as musicians but they are still cocky punks, ROCK ON GREEN DAY

Quick reviews

Franz Ferdinand - self titled. 3.5/10 Buy the "Take me Out" single, the rest of the songs are pretty crap.

Eskimo Joe - "A song is a city". 8/10 They used to suck so hard, but they rock now.

Bad Religion "Empire strikes first" 7/10 Another Bad Religion album that you can't help but love.

So there ya go im gone

Bundie's Movie Review

2004-08-30T21:10:00.000+10:00

Yes it is review time again, and yesterday I took a spontanious trip to the local theatre to check out the latest film from the Wayans brothers.
White Chicks
2 F.B.I agents are assigned a mission to take care of 2 rich, blonde bimbos but some accidents happen and the 2 agents have to disguise themselves as the girls. The Wayans brothers are infamous for their parody's Scary Movie 1 & 2 and I loved their humour in both those films and the fact they weren't writing a parody this time made me even more impressed so I expected a lot from this film, and evidently none of my expectations were met. The film starts out with a killer of an opening scene, but it seems as the movie went on, less and less effort was put in to make it a good comedy, it had potential but it just divebombed. The humour is the only thing that saved this film, although it is all mostly dick jokes & black jokes, it still gave me a couple of immature giggles (the 11 year old behind me couldn't stop laughing about 10 minutes after the lactose intollerance joke ended). I reckon the Wayans just needed a bit more time working on this film, It looked very rushed, I hope they put more thought into their next film than they did this one, cause you know a film isn't that good when you actually want to leave before it is over.
4/10 See it when your stoned, I wish I did.

Lie Detectors

2004-08-19T01:35:00.000+10:00

I've been saying it for hell knows how long...

If Reality TV shows can afford to get lie detectors in as part of a segment, then surely we can afford to have them somewhere more useful like in the courts and in politics.

...And finally, Mike Scrafton has picked up on this, this guy has officially opened up a new door in politics, now we will see politians voluntarily take lie detector tests in order to prove their truth in a big public fashion. I welcome it with open arms, I'm suprised that it has only just happend and it does not suprise me that Honest John won't be living up to his stupid nickname and taking one of these tests, nope instead he is calling it a big public spectacle, and he said "The issue is irrelevant to the time, and the Australian public are sick of hearing about it". Well Johnny, it is now relevant to the time, because someone has decided to come out and make a ballsy move to prove you wrong, and the Australian public are interested in it once again as a result of that, I think you and your cronies are the only ones sick of hearing about it.

I also think they should install lie detectors in pubs and bars, it will settle so many arguments between friends that usually result in broken furniture (that belong to the pub).

Bundie's DVD Review

2004-08-16T23:07:00.000+10:00

As I am now a writer for this site, I have decided to post frequent reviews of Movies, CD's, DVD's etc. I'll have the basic "out of ten" rating system to go with it.

So to kick this little feature off I will review "The Butterfly Effect", "The Night We Called It A Day", "Dickie Roberts", and "The Lion King 3: Hakuna Matata"

The Butterfly Effect
This is one of the best films I have ever seen, if you haven't seen it BUY IT! The basic concept of the film is this guy Evan grows up with this mental disease that causes him to black out and not have any knowledge of what had happend during his blackouts. When Evan grows up he finds a way to go back and be in the scenes he missed due to his blackouts, and also change the scenes to better the life of his friends and love interest. This may sound like a lame time travel film, but seriously it is far from that, this is one of those films that has you trapped right from the start, There was obviously alot of emotion poured into this film, so much that you feel emotionally involved with the characters within the first 10 minutes and you feel for these characters throughout the film.This is wierd for me to say but for me personally, I wasn't expecting a happy ending, I WANTED a happy ending, and while the ending isn't exactly happy, you feel a sence of completeness when the film ends and you feel VERY satisfied with the outcome. The special features are excellent aswell, there's 2 featurettes on the film (writing the film and the special FX) and there are 2 doco's on Chaos Theory and Time Travel. And on another personal note I reckon Ashton Kutcher played this part very well, It made me forget about his days playing "the idiot" on That 70's show and Dude where's my car?
10/10. It's original, controversial, thrilling and a must see film.

The Night We Called It A Day
This movie is based on when (the late) Frank Sinatra came to tour Australia and all the events that took place while he was here, and I don't know alot about Frank Sinatra's little visit, and I reckon the writers didn't know alot about it either. The film started out really good, it took the point of view of the tour promoter and how he had to deal with Frank's outbursts towards the media, and his constant refusing to apologize to those offended results in unions turning against him, forcing him to be locked down in his hotel suite. The last 20 minutes is where the movie floats into the "safe" ending making it all turn to shit, Frank proposes to his mistress, the tour promoter runs off from Frank's performance to be with his love interest because "You don't get second chances", and Mr Sinatra leaves here on good terms... GET F*CKED!!! As far as I knew it, Frank said he would never step foot in Australia again and he left with bitterness and hatred towards the country, why do writers have to lie to us? Oh yeah special features are basically non-apparent.
3/10 Not worth the rental cost, I recommend waiting until it becomes a 3 nighter before renting, but I guarentee that you will give it back before the first night.

Dickie Roberts
I didn't expect this movie to be any good but it suprised me to be quite a hilarious, well-rounded film. Basically Dickie Roberts was a hugely popular child actor who is now an out of work actor who either gets snobbed or laughed at. In order for him to get a particular movie role he has been advised to try and redo his childhood so he can be in touch with the world again. The humour is what you can expect from David Spade, but you find yourself in stitches at some of his one liners and his antics, you may yawn at some of the predictability in the storyline, but the comedy definatly makes up for it. The cameos are a great addition to the movie, There is a scene at the beginning where Dickie is playing poker with former child stars (Including Greg Brady, that bass player from the partridge family, and Screech from Saved By The Bell), and there is also a song during the films credits where about 30 forgotten child (and adult!) actors are singing about how irritating people are when they say "Hey aren't you...". The DVD's special features are great to watch aswell, there is a featurette on the former child stars who appeared in this film which is very hilarious.
7.5/10. David Spade's comedy is at it's best in this film, it certainly makes up for the films predictable outcome and it's definatly worth seeing

The Lion King 3: Hakuna Matata
Yeah I know most of you wouldn't even think of hiring it but I'm a kid at heart so I did! The 3rd installment of the Lion King trilogy shows the events of the first Lion King film in the eyes of Timon and Pumbah. It shows you how Timon and Pumbah met and it gives a more in depth look into their relationship with Simba when they took him under their wing. It's not like the movie was good or bad, it's just there if you want it, much like the Lion King 2 or the sequals to Aladdin and Pocahontas. It actually reminded me ALOT of the Timon and Pumbah spin off series that came out when I was about 10. The special features disc is packed with stupid games that keep you addicted for ages, definatly alot longer than the film goes for, and the featurettes are entertaining for what they are worth.
5/10 It's not a sequal, it's not a prequal, so does that make it an "Equal"? Rent it for a kid and watch it with them if you don't want to look like a wierd-o.

So there you go, the first of many reviews to come, and just remember, these are just my opinions, I welcome any critism with open arms!!!

The Aussie Film Industry

2004-08-14T23:38:00.000+10:00

Australian films are shit. There is no better way to put it.

Whenever I go to a cinema to watch an Aussie film, I come out of the movie with the feeling that I am being choked by the obsurd amount of cliches the writers include in their films.
You'll notice every film has to have 1 or more of the following things:

* People that are worlds apart. 2 people that have nothing in common and would never normally be friends (usually a serious character and a funny character) have to work together to solve the problem in the film and they end up liking eachother in the end because we can't have the film end on an unhappy note now can we?

*A disagreement between the 2 main characters which tears them apart for about 5 minutes (or however long the Rufus Wainwright ballad goes for) and they become friends again so the movie ends on a happy note.

*Everyone pointing guns at eachother (which is odd seeing as though if you want to get a gun in Australia you have to either be a cop or f**k a cop)

*THE BIG SECRET. You know what I'm talking about, When the main character has a secret they are keeping away from everyone (and it's always something petty like they love someone) and they go through the entire movie trying their best to keep the secret and they'll always reveal it at the end when there is a big group of people around and the main character will reveal that they love whatshisname, there will be 10 seconds of suspenceful silence until the 2 embrace and pash, followed by a slow clap, followed by everyone else clapping, followed by the next point...

*LOVE, The movie almost always has to have 2 people falling in love or having a baby or getting married at the end, WHY!?!?!?! It's not neccessary and it's so over used that it has become stupid. Why don't we get to see some post marriage stuff like when they are filing for divorce because they don't love eachother anymore and they stupidly rushed into love because (once again) the writers had to make the movie end on the happiest note possible

Those are just 5 of many clichés in the Aussie film industry and notice most of them exist so the film can end on a happy note, well to that I say, SCREW ENDING ON A HAPPY NOTE!!! Harvey Krumpet didn't exactly end on a happy note and the bloody thing was an international success!

I'm not saying ALL films should end with sadness, I just think Aussie writers should stop being afraid to end their films on an unhappy note, Take a risk goddamn youse! I want to watch an Aussie film and be proud of it for being entertaining and original, while writers are getting better at making entertaining films they are about 1200kms far from being original.

The whole thing is worrying for me cause I personally want to get into the Australian film industry but people keep telling me “oh its so hard” “You have to have the best marks to get in” “you’ll need to put in so much effort” etc. but I don’t think any of those things are true. Why you ask? Cause if the standards were as high as people say, then the Australian wouldn't churn out such incredibly shit films.

I am Bundie, hear me roar

2004-08-04T17:56:00.000+10:00

I dunno how to introduce my first post, so I'll make it quick hi i'm Bundie, the new writer for this site.
i'll think of something more important to post within the next day or two.
so yeah, HI ......

BOB

2004-07-28T23:21:00.000+10:00

Now don’t be alarmed by that heading, the internet isn’t about to explode.

Watching the news, I have just seen the latest on that United Airlines flight that turned back to Sydney the other day, due to an “on-board bomb threat”. The latest on this is that the “bomb threat” wasn’t so much a bomb threat, more just the letters “B O B” written on an air sick bag.

The ever-vigilant flight crew decoded this obvious terrorist threat, and realizing it must have stood for “Bomb On Board” turned the plane around.

So they dumped 150,000 litres of fuel, delayed the travel of 300 passengers and fired up Sydney Airport’s various terrorist response systems because Bob labelled his sick bag?

Police are apparently still trying to find who is responsible for the message. I’m not entirely sure why they would bother finding the person responsible. What are they going to charge him with? Littering? Although when it comes to “terrorists” finding a charge isn’t really essential, they could always ship him off to Guantanamo Bay. No need for a charge there.

Well poor old Bob must be really shitting himself over this one. I bet he never again attempts to take advantage of one of those film processing discounts.

Big Brother 4 Finale

2004-07-27T23:48:00.000+10:00

With many tears, much celebration and Gretel wearing possibly the most hideous outfit ever, Big Brother 4 came to a massive conclusion last night. Trevor was the winner, as I predicted here on day 1. And he proposed to his girl friend, Breea, as I also predicted here.

It was a controversy filled series, with most the controversy going on out-side the house; Merlins little statement, Bree’s eviction and re-instatement, Ryan’s “mls.” t-shirt vote rigging thing, the virtual Big Brother point scam, and the Up-Late competition scam, etc, etc.

The series definitely provided us with an interesting array of housemates. I don’t think we have ever seen anyone as funny as Fryzie, no one has ever gotten away with being a prick to the extent Paul did, Merlin and his tape thing was good value and I’m glad Aphrodite was booted first.

I think the most disappointing character of series 4 was Big Brother himself. As many may not have realised, Peter Abbott who was Big Brother / Executive Producer for the first 3 series’ was replaced by Kris Noble this year. I’m not sure of the circumstances surrounding this but I urge Big Brother management to get Mr Abbott back for next year.

Big Brother’s relationship with the housemates was poor. The housemates feared him, cringed whenever he called their names and seemed to dislike all visits to the diary room. He was regarded much like a school principal. The housemates this year broke far more rules and were issued far more strikes than in any previous series’, which I think speaks volumes about the low respect level and poor relationship they obviously had with Big Brother.

Anyway, it’s all said and done now. The housemates had their 15 minutes and can all feel free to fad back into obscurity. And I can have my life back.

Zundie’s Hot Tip

2004-07-26T19:00:00.000+10:00

I don’t give out hot tips very often, so when I do; Get on!

I reckon when Trev wins (as if Bree has a hope in hell) Big Brother 4 tonight he will propose to his girl friend, Breea on the show.

Time to Find Out the Hard Way

2004-07-25T23:31:00.000+10:00

As I’ve probably mentioned, I’m more of a blog reader than a blog writer and something I’ve noticed but never asked about is why bloggers always avoid one particular word.

Blogs that seldom make typos, preach correct use of the English language and don’t seem to care what anyone thinks of them will not only misspell this word, but also replace a letter with a number every time they use it.

The word in question is not a rude word, well it relates to rude stuff, but the word itself is certainly not a swear word. Besides most blogs will drop “fucks” and “cunts” like they’re nothing, so I don’t think the bloggers are trying to make their sites any less offensive or family friendly.

I could live to regret this, but I need to type this particular word into a post, just to see what happens. So here goes...

The word is PORN! Yes, that’s right porn! Why does everyone who owns a blog always write it as pr0n?

Just in case you missed it the first time: PORN! Porno! Pornography! Dirty Donkey Porn!

So now I’ve done it. I’ve used the word porn, that word again; porn. Now we can all sit back, watch and learn what effect saying porn has on a blog.

I’ve got a feeling The Undie Run is about to become a lot more interesting.

Welcome Bundie

2004-07-22T15:18:00.000+10:00

Hello all. Bet you weren’t expecting to hear from me any time soon? Well I just couldn’t keep away from the place. HA!

After being inundated with comments on my “3 Week Fad” post begging and pleading for me to keep blogging I felt like I should try and keep The Undie Run alive, if only for the happiness of my army of loyal and devoted of readers.

What I have done to achieve this is found another writer (I use the term “writer” very, very loosely) to help contribute to The Undie Run. He (reckons he) will contribute both often and regularly. He also claims to be capable of writing that will be witty, interesting and relevant. I’ll be happy if he can manage witty, lord knows I struggle. And as for interesting and relevant… I think my site meter says it all.

Anyway back to the point, I’m here to introduce you to someone. This little someone is my little brother. Unfortunately he happens to be a teenager, but please don’t hate him for it. Read his writing. Give him a chance. Then you can hate him with fair cause and good reason.

Ordinarily I’d never allow anyone as uninteresting, uneducated, lazy, and uninspiring contribute to my blog, but given that I am on the verge of abandoning the whole thing I figured I have nothing to loose.

So welcome aboard Bundie!

P.S. Reader’s – If he’s shit, just let me know and I’ll fire his arse.

3 Week Fad’s

2004-07-17T15:11:00.000+10:00

Well, well, well. Who would’ve thought I’d just kind of loose interest in blogging?

Anyone who knows me that’s who.

Something you must understand about me is that I have these little fads. Ideas enter my feeble little brain and I decide to act on them, shortly before getting bored and getting over it. The soul product of my existence is nothing more than a vast assortment of unfinished and neglected hobbies/activities/careers/lifestyles that I have quit in the early stages.

The pursuits vary enormously, however the process does not. Every time it goes something like;

1. I have the idea.
2. I start revolving my life around it.
3. I spend all my savings on junk to support it.
4. I start the hard work involved to make it happen.
5. Said work gets too hard/boring.
6. I quit.

To give you some idea of the sorts of things I’m on about, here are, in no particular order, some of the pursuits I have briefly made the focus of my life, before giving up a failure:

Learn to ride a unicycle.
Be a drummer.
Move to the USA
Drive around Australia
Become a copper.
Be an Olympic swimmer
Be an Olympic skier
Start a television network
Be a professional footballer
Have Pickles eliminated from McDonald’s burgers
Learn to juggle
Become a champion yo-yoer
Design pool tables
Do up an old car
Go to university
Run a market stall
Create a religion
Become a judo black belt
Run a charitable foundation
Play the share market
Renovate houses
Work on a tropical island
Create world peace
Be a landscaper
Win a Christmas light competition
Be a chef
Design Lego models
Split an atom
Back-pack around the world
Be a mafia dude
Unite Africa
Bed a supermodel
Start a clothing label
Breed Rabbits
Set a world record for Hot Dog consumption.
Become a highly respected and highly priced business consultant.
PIMP
Collect shot glasses
Construct a motocross track
Create stuff on a timber lathe
Become a helicopter pilot
Be a poet/songwriter
Find a surviving Thylacine
Run a Pirated CD Racket
Help the homeless
Terrorize several former teachers/employers
Get off the drugs
Sell Fish

Now that you understand the “3 Week Fad” Here’s how it affects you, my readers. I haven’t posted a blog entry in almost a month and really don’t have any real desire to post again which leads me to think that blogging is probably yet another one of my many 3 Week Fad’s.

Of course there is every possibility my interest in blogging will reignite, if so I will start posting again but if you don’t hear from me again, I am not dead, or trapped under a mountain of recycling. Rather, I am just engrossed in whatever meaningless thing I want to be/do next.

Finally Some Posts

2004-06-24T18:27:00.000+10:00

I know it’s been a long time between drinks, that’s why I have treated you to two of my finest (three including this one).

Allow me to justify the lack of activity; I used to have a job. This job left me unsupervised in front of a computer for hours on end. I no longer have that job.

I am now in a situation where I must give up MY time to maintain the blog. Blogging isn’t as such an attractive hobby when you are not being paid an hourly rate to do so and could be doing better things with your time.

I did devise an ill-fated plan to keep The Undie Run updated. I was going to attempt to “hire” “writers” but unfortunately all my friends and siblings are either uninteresting, illiterate or lazy.

Super Size Me

2004-06-24T18:08:00.000+10:00

Prompted by the latest McDonalds adds featuring their CEO talking about the new movie “Super Size Me”, I went out and saw the flick.

I am a Maccas fan from way back, I was one of the millions of kids they suck in from a young age, and I am therefore sucked in for life, as the movie suggests. As a kid, “Maccas” was always the word that always instinctively sprung from my mouth whenever Mum asked me what I wanted for dinner, of course she always replied with a very mum-like “Maccas Shmaccas”. Once I got my licence in high school I spent more time at the local McDonalds than I did in most classes. Even now, well into my twenties I still love a feed at good old McDonalds.

Given my love of Maccas I tend to take their side. Of course Maccas isn’t healthy, who ever said it was? He made the movie with a particular outcome in mind. He wanted to become unhealthy. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t have a movie. He looked for and exaggerated health problems. I don’t believe the depression crap for a minute.

I think the main problem is that he stops exercising. He obviously exercised before starting, and he would probably gain weight simply by stopping exercise, regardless of diet.

I know he tried everything on the menu, but mostly he ate the shittest of the shit they serve. The movie only showed him eating a McSalad once, yet fries and Coke went with virtually every meal.

His Super Size Rule was that he could only super size IF it was offered. What he actually done was accept it every time it was offered. He also forced himself to finish it all. Not even the average obese American is going to eat until they heave their guts up in a McDonalds car park.

If you eat at ANY one place for a month you won’t be real well at the end of it. “Boost Juice” is about the healthiest place around, but try living off nothing but fruit juice for a month.

It must be noted though that the movie seems to have had an impact on McDonalds. McDonalds America has since ditched the Super Size and the amount of “Healthy Options” on the McDonalds Australia menu has increased massively in the last year or so, which is probably due to the movie.

If McDonalds sponsored me to do the same thing, to prove it could be healthy I could and would do it in a manner that would be healthy. I’d try everything, but wouldn’t always accompany it with fries and coke. A typical day would be cereal and an apple for breakfast Salad or chicken fold over for Lunch a burger or two and a salad for dinner, juice or water with each meal. Nothing too unhealthy there. And I’d keep up, maybe even increase my exercise routine.

I doubt McDonalds wouldn’t sponsor me to do it. Their stance is that this diet isn’t healthy, and sponsoring someone to do it would only cause them more shit, regardless of the outcome. Although, given the advertising campaign they have recently launched, nothing would surprise me.

What McDonalds Australia have done in response to the movie is start a campaign of TV adds and in store posters challenging the “facts” in the movie. They weakly attempt to make the dude look like an idiot, but do agree that it wouldn’t be a healthy diet. Mcdonalds are only publicising the movie and extending the dudes 15 Grundies of fame. I don’t think the movie will damage McDonalds noticeably, and if it does I really can’t see these ads doing anything to rectify the situation.

I really wonder what drugs the management of McDonalds Australia were on when they decided to bother trying to retaliate to this movie in such a manner. Whatever it was it must’ve been stronger than fat and sugar.

Metric Time

2004-06-24T17:47:00.000+10:00

Why Does America, the country that invented dollar and cents currency persist in using imperial weight and distance measurements?

I suppose their imperial system “works” but surely they have realised that it totally sucks arse.

The Metric System. Now there’s a system. Not only does it work, it also doesn’t suck arse. What more could anyone want?

OK, let’s have a look at the imperial distance system:
Its basically revolves around feet and inches. There are 12 inches in a foot… twelve? Why twelve, it’s not exactly a round number?

Now if you need to measure something smaller than an inch which is roughly this ------------------- long, you move into fractions of an inch; quarter of an inch, five eighths of an inch etc. Surely everyone reckons that’s just annoying. Not to mention pretty damn stupid on the part of whoever invented it for obviously not thinking that at sometime someone may need to measure something smaller than an inch, his genitals for example.

Now let’s take a look at Metric:

Rather than having 12 inches = a foot, 3 foot = a yard, and I don’t know how many yards = a mile, we have 10 millimetre’s = a centimetre, 100 centimetre’s = a metre and 1000 metre’s = a kilometre.

Now doesn’t metric flow a lot smoother? Notice all the metric measurements are divisible by ten, makes it a hell of a lot easier to deal with. You’d think the US would just get on board.

Weight measurements, Kilograms vs. Pounds are the same storey. Metric makes sense while impearial is just rooted, but I couldn’t be bothered going into it

So I’ll get to the point…

Lets take a look at the universal - well maybe not universal – global at least measurements of time.

60 seconds = 1 minute, 60 minutes = 1 hour (60 isn’t the roundest number, but at least we’re consistent so far) 24 hours = 1 day (what the fuck? Twenty-four?) We then go even crazier with 7 days =1 week, and 28, 29, 30 or 31 days = 1 month and finish it off with 365 days in most years, and 366 every forth year. It really is as sloppy as a cheap pro by dawn.

I realize that we are a little restricted in what we can do with our measurements of time. We can’t change the speed that the earth spins on its axis (a day), or the time it takes to orbit the sun (365 days and six hours). Well not yet anyway. So I’m afraid we are stuck with that nasty leap year situation. Blame God. You can always leave him a comment here telling him what you think of his lousy timing, because he’ll see it, cause he like; sees everything and stuff.

What we can alter is the dividing up of a day. I’m naming it the “Zundie System” for obvious reasons. Instead of hours we will have “Zundies” there will be 100 of them in a day (each will last 14.4 minutes, in the old system) and we won’t get half way through and start again, like that ridiculous am pm bullshit.

Minutes will be replaced with “Grundies”. There will be 10 Grundies in a Zundie (each lasting 1.44 old school minutes). Finally seconds will be replaced with “Chundies”. There will be 100 Chundies in a Grundie (1 Chundie = 0.864 seconds)

Lets Recap. 100 Chundies in a Grundie. 10 Grundies in a Zundie. 100 Zundies in a day. Now doesn’t that work better?

I can’t quite figure a nice even and round way of dividing up the weeks and months that makes sense and doesn’t clash with the order of the universe, so if you can; let me know and I’ll name it after you (provided your name ends in “undie”), which will undoubtedly bring you much fame and fortune when the system is implemented.

Apologies To All

2004-06-15T18:31:00.000+10:00

I really am a shocker. I spend two months bitching and moaning that no one is looking at my blog, and then just as a bit of traffic is coming my way I disappear. Not very professional, I know.

Before I explain myself, I must say a big thank you to Shauna over at “What’s new Pussycat”. As I’m sure most my visitors know I left a comment on her blog whining about my lack of traffic, and hey presto! I get traffic. So thank you for being so popular Shauna.

One more thing, “There’s something about Zundie”. I notice a little confusion in the comments as to my gender. I haven’t deliberately kept it a secret, but I must admit I feel a bit insecure that it wasn’t obvious… hmm, does that indicate I’m male? Anyway on Rob’s advice (see comments), and Miriam’s success I am now going to keep it a secret… Is that a female thing to do?

Of course there is every possibility that I have already revealed it in a previous post, but I don’t like my writing enough to bother reading them all to check. So readers, feel free to check back through old posts and to speculate. I’m not going to offer a prize or anything for the correct answer, because anyone taking a punt has a 50% chance of getting it right.

Now to explain myself. I know you have all been deeply concerned about my well being over the last few days, I apologize for putting you all through such anguish.

I, as mentioned in previous posts have recently become unemployed. I have decided not to waste this by doing something stupid like getting another job. I have seized the day. I threw my shit in my car and headed down the snow. So tonight I come to you LIVE FROM JINDABYNE!

I love the snow, however there is a slight problem in that there isn’t any of it yet. I am flying by the seat of my pants here and didn’t bother doing any formal planning, you know, like checking if there was snow.

The other area that Jindabyne is letting me down is in Internet access. The joint I’m staying doesn’t have any, hence the lack of posts. So, to describe my location in a little more detail; I am in an Internet café with red walls cow print decorations and techno playing. I share this tastefully decorated little room with a smelly, unwashed snowboarder who is laughing his head off at his emails and a middle aged balding bloke who is swearing at the national bank website.

I am afraid these conditions are not favorable to blogging and am not excited about the prospect of returning here so I will endeavor to come up with another way of maintaining The Undie Run whist on the road…. Unless, of course it starts snowing

The Tide is Turning

2004-06-10T10:38:00.000+10:00

Business is booming here at The Undie Run Central! We are almost struggling to cope with the sudden popularity of the site. It’s unbelievable! I think we’re bigger than Jesus, The Beatles and The B-Sharps all put together!

As you can clearly see, I received not one, but two comments from The Undie Runs new biggest fan; Kezza. A HUGE shout-out to Kezza, you’re a legend, thanks for the comment’s. If you give your URL I will link you and we’ll take you along for this crazy ride to the top!

The Undie Run is also proud to announce we received our very first non-spam email yesterday, which was absolutely thrilling for all concerned. By the way, all fan/hate mail can be directed to theundierun@hotmail.com

And the Site Meter! Have a go at that site meter! Its spinning like there’s no tomorrow! We flew past number 200 yesterday and as I write its cruising past 219, where will it stop?

Following Kezza's advice, I decided to see if Google had noticed us yet and upon searching “The Undie Run” we appeared several times; the first in number 4, no less. I am hoping that this post which uses our name, “The Undie Run” 7 times will notch us up even closer to that illustrious number one.

To keep our ever increasing fan base happy I have done a little work on the links. I’ve added a few more of my favourite blogs and divided the sites into two separate categories, with fairly self explanatory titles. The way things are going, I will soon need to change the title of the “Better Blogs” to “Blogs that aspire to be as good as The Undie Run”, but lets not get too carried away just yet.

On a very serious note, I know many people will be fearful that this new found fame will go to my head. I Zundie, founder and CEO of The Undie Run can personally guarantee that this will never happen. We will always continue to be the lovable, down to earth folk you have come to love. Don’t be fooled by the rocks that I got, I’m still Zundie from the blog.

Beep-Beep, Beep-Beep, Beep-Beep

2004-06-09T08:55:00.000+10:00

I think that high pitched beep-beeping of your alarm clock first thing in the morning is the most painful, horrible and devastating sound in the world!

I’d rather listen to fingernails down a blackboard, animals being tortured, or our prime minister making an address overseas, than hear that horrid sound that awakes me every God forsaken weekday morning!

I hate that sound because; prior to it you are warm and comfortable in a soft, cosy and peaceful little world with a lover in your arms. Post beep-beeping you are stumbling around your house, freezing cold trying to find your bathroom to prepare yourself to take on the cold harsh world outside.

It really is a double edged sword too, because the only time you hate the bloody alarm clock more than when it wakes you up, is when it doesn’t. There is nothing worse than having that groggy stumble to the bathroom and following attack on the world when you are also running late with nobody to blame other than that evil little bastard appliance.

In terms of evilness, the alarm clock and its soul destroying beep-beep is the closest thing to Hitler alive today.

Having just Proof Read the above I am bothered by two obvious problems. The first is that it’s a bit short (notice I’m sorting that right now). The second is that I have been very harsh on my poor alarm clock.

I actually conceived the idea for this post whilst in the shower this morning, about four and a half minutes after it woke me up with its ear piercing, headache inducing beep-beeping. At the time I was still very much pissed off at the alarm clock and said beep-beeping.

However that is a couple of hours ago now and I have since battled my way through the world to the little place within it that houses my office. I have had a coffee and gotten over it.

Having gotten over my daily hatred for this unfortunate little appliance, I am now finding myself pitying the poor fella. I am thinking that alarm clocks the world over really get a bum deal. Everyone depends on them to gain consciousness on a daily basis, yet we all house an intense hatred of them. Most, mine included, are victims of routine, anger fuelled, merciless domestic violence.

The poor suckers are just trying to do their job. They make the effort to wake up nice and early every morning, at any time of you’re choosing and wake you up. They do this every morning until such time that they are murdered at the hands of their owner, usually by way of hitting or throwing them for simply performing the daily duty requested of them. (A curious side note; notice you never hit your alarm clock when you sleep in because it hasn’t gone off?)

So I say, try and be nice to your alarm clock. If it wasn’t for the little guy you’d have been fired several times over and you would have no idea who Steve Liebmann is. Of course I say this knowing full well that I am going to beat my little $9.95 special within an inch of its life first thing tomorrow morning.

Footy

2004-06-08T15:42:00.000+10:00

I never wrote about the first state of Origin, so I will now… I wasn’t as excited as I usually am in the lead up to the game, mainly because I have the shits at the NRL for getting so carried away over trying to prove they care about women by issuing ridiculously harsh punishments to a few players who committed an assortment of drunken indiscretions.

By Game day, with all the injuries and suspensions it was a pretty disappointing line-up from both sides. Despite both teams being a little second division-ish, it was a great match with all the intensity that State of Origin is famous for. In the end, or more accurately; after the end, NSW won 9-8. Congratulations to the team. Great kick Timmins.

The following day I noticed a lot of Queenslanders complaining about the golden point rule. Funny how they never seemed bothered by it prior to it costing them the game.

Here’s what I reckon; The Golden Point is a vast improvement on the previous system whereby a drawn game remained a draw and a drawn series resulted in the shield going to whoever won last year. That was just a joke.

The only real argument against golden point is that when golden point time starts it becomes a battle to get a field goal, and no longer about scoring tries, which I admit is a bit shitty. Apart from that I quite like the Golden Point. That said I wouldn’t be opposed to having a fixed duration to extra time.

The problem a lot of people have with extra time is the question of what happens at the end of it if neither team has scored? How long do we allow the game to go for? As long as it friggin takes I say! Let em play all night if necessary. I reckon it would be heaps cool if the game went until 3am. They’re elite athletes, they can hack it. I Mean, those AFL pansies play two hours, every game, and we all know how soft they are. If the AFL skirts can cope I’m sure league players can too

Freddy has pulled an Allan Langer and come out of retirement to play for the Blues in game 2. I reckon that’s pretty good news. With Lockyer back for Queensland it should be a good battle between the five-eighths. Blues coach, Phil Gould was obviously in bed one night complaining to Freddy about needing a five-eighth and Freddy, eager to keep his man happy offered to fill the role, and then fill something else.

Coach Sacking seems to be flavour of the month, and not in the way Fittler likes to sack coaches. The Warrior’s and South’s both sacked their coaches last week. I don’t like the way coaches are used as scapegoats when a team is doing badly. South’s sacked their last coach less than two years ago. Here’s a thought, maybe your players are shit?

Blogging Failure

2004-06-03T09:16:00.000+10:00

This certainly hasn’t turned out like I planned. I’m well over a month into my blogging career, and I am yet to have a single comment left on any post. I think I’ve had a couple of visitors to the site, like literally “a couple” (99% of hits on the site meter are me).

When I imagined starting a blog I put a hell of a lot of thought into how exactly to protect my true and secret identity. It would appear I needn’t have bothered. I could have posted my real name, address and phone number and nothing would have come of it. I could probably have even mentioned where I leave the spare front door key and where I hide the cash and it wouldn’t have amounted to anything, so small is the interest in my blog and the stories within it.

So I have been thinking that I could probably sell use of The Undie Run to Al-Qaeda for communication purposes. Even though it is a simple web site that can be viewed by anyone with a modem, clearly no one is viewing it, FBI included, which makes this site more secure that phone, post or email. Hey Osama, if your not one of the billions of people who aren’t reading this; call me, we’ll strike up deal.

Now before the American Government stumble upon the site, and decide to lock me up without a trial, that would prove that I’m not a terrorist, rather just an Aussie smart arse, I will say the mandatory “I’m not a fucking terrorist you American idiot’s”

Enough about Terrorism and shit.

So I’ve been wondering why I don’t have an army of loyal readers, a book deal, or why no one (my own mother included) show’s enough interest in my blog to read a post or two. I asked a few of my mates what they think could be going wrong. One dude offered “Your writing isn’t Dynamic enough” I asked “have you read it?” he replied “No”. We all had a good laugh at his willingness to criticise my lack of dynamics despite him never having read it, but it really didn’t help. Although I will concede he’s probably right.

In an attempt to discover what makes a good blog I have spent many hours wandering blog to blog seeing what I like and what I don’t. Obviously The Spin Starts Here is the crème de la crème of blog’s and I still enjoy reading JoJo’s Purple Vagina Monologues & My Increasingly Random Life even though she has become a little lazy with the blogging since having her baby – C’mon JoJo; prioritise!

I wandered even further into the depths of cyber space to look at some blogs and sort the good from the bad and see what makes the good, good and the bad, bad (and possibly steal some ideas from the good ones).

I think I have discovered the main problem. There are fucking millions of blogs!!! Heaps, and heaps, and heaps of people keep blogs. I started mine thinking I was joining this little cult type thing of only a few hundred people (if that) worldwide. I imagined the owners of blogs to be hugely popular internet celebrities with thousands of loyal readers and constant offers of money and sex.

How wrong I was. Most blogs are incredibly boring and report mundane day to day things like; “Today I had breakfast, then went to the shops. When I got home I watched wheel of fortune and The Price is Right. OMG Larry is hotttt!!!!!”
These blogs are bloody boring, and generally have a very small readership, most of which are probably friends and family of the owner. Despite the unbelievable crappiness and dullness of most blogs, I am yet to find one as unpopular as mine.

So I return to my blog to try and find what is wrong with it. I update it fairly often. I reckon I write about reasonably interesting things and not just my piss-poor day-to-day activities. I am a bit witty, aren’t I? (If not, I wasn’t trying to be, so piss off).

The only thing I can find that’s wrong with it is a complete lack of visitors. So, if YOU are reading this, then YOU are assisting to solve the problem. Thankyou. You can further help by leaving a comment and letting me know why no one else is visiting and why you’ll never return.

The Bright Lights of the City.

2004-05-31T12:29:00.000+10:00

I was in Darling Harbour on Saturday night. While admiring the harbour I noticed something a little weird. What I saw was a war ship and a navel submarine decorated with attractive borders of fairy lights.

Is it just me, or is there something wrong with that?

Before we hook into the various reasons why this is inappropriate let’s just cover the fact that even the best quality “outdoor” fairy lights are probably not going to perform particularly well when the sub dives. Lets also make mention of the fact this war ship loses any subtlety it may have had approaching an enemy with its silhouette outlined and radiating with a distinctive border of clear low voltage globes.

Now let’s get to the real point here. It’s a fucking WAR ship! They go off and participate in war, blowing shit up and other fairly un-fun activities. Fairy lights are generally associated with Christmas time, carnivals and celebration. War and fun don’t share many similarities and fairy lights probably shouldn’t be one of them.

What’s next? Sentimental engravings on bullet shells? Dancing girls on the tanks as they roll through wherever they happen to be “liberating”? Perhaps we should package a bit of confetti into bombs, to y’know, make the deadly explosion a bit more pretty and fun.

Even if they remove the lovely fairy lights prior to going off to fight, why have them on display when in port? Are we actually proud of having these things? Warships in the harbour are not really a sign of a pleasant and safe city. Do we really want to remind visitors to Sydney that we are actively involved in the war?

I can’t help wondering if this is part of an effort to increase public support for the War. I can just imagine the meetings. “People like fairy lights, what if we put some of them on our death delivery machines. Yes, that will get everyone on side”.

Unemployment Approaching

2004-05-28T12:01:00.000+10:00

I am soon to be unemployed. I’ve known this was coming from day one. You see, this little job of mine was only ever going to be for about six months and I’ve squeezed about eight months out of it so I really can’t complain.

It is quite exciting to be freed of the responsibility of employment. Jobs are so time consuming and unemployment will afford me much time to indulge in a variety of meaningful pursuits, such as watching Big Brother Up-Late, sleeping in and getting drunk on weeknights.

Unfortunately I am not the heir to a multi-million dollar fortune so I will hit the wall in a month or two when I have wasted my life savings (again). The fact I can’t afford to remain unemployed forever leaves me at one of lives depressing little crossroads. Except I’m not depressed, I haven’t really looked too hard beyond the month of laziness and indulgence I have on the cards.

I’m sure your wondering how all this will effect you. If not you should, because it will effect you, dear reader. You must understand I am currently on a handsome hourly rate as I maintain this blog. Soon I won’t be, and I cannot guarantee my dedication and enthusiasm for The Undie Run will continue at the standard you’ve become accustomed to once I am forced to do it on a voluntary basis.

Social Pissing

2004-05-27T13:15:00.000+10:00

I don't like to use urinals. Being male, this probably seems little strange but I find lining up to relieve myself with a group of men whose only common ground is having their dicks in hand seems a little odd.

I saw something yesterday that got me thinking about this strange expectation on men to share the act of urination. It made me think would we be willing, given an appropriate receptacle, to do the same thing with number two's? And even more curiously would women, who are well known for going to the toilet together, be willing to tinkle in such a social environment?

I couldn't resist breaking the law about camera phones in public toilets to snap this shot. Tell me, would you use these toilets?

No Tolerance for the Intolerant

2004-05-25T11:56:00.000+10:00

So here I am quietly pretending to be working and the old dude here cleaning our windows decides that I have all day to listen to his bullshit. Sorry Mr Window-Washer, but the internet’s not going to surf itself.

Usually I am happy to chat to whoever happens to be working in my workplace, because after all people are just like blogs, only slightly less virtual. However, Mr Window-Washer’s chosen topic of conversation is the stupidity of boat people for not sailing in more appropriate vessels and how the government should just sink the boats.

Some people spend so much time with their heads up their own arses that they must begin to enjoy the smell of their own shit!

Now I am by no means an expert on foreign policy or the complexities of immigration, nor have I ever had any real first hand experience with it, so I don’t profess know the correct course of action for handling boat people or refugees. Unlike our friend Mr Window-Washer, whose career choice has obviously provided him with a wealth of knowledge on such issues?

What I do know is that drowning people because they are in “our” waters is damn right nasty. How can anyone really think that bombing boat’s filled with living breathing human beings is ever the best course of action in any situation.

As I sit here writing Mr Window-Washer continues to prattle on with his crap. Does he think I’m listening? I’m typing. He is behind me as I type this little bitch about him, but I’m not at all concerned he may be reading over my shoulder because he has already demonstrated a level of intelligence that an ability to read is far beyond.

Why is it that it’s always the people with the fucked up intolerant ideals that don’t accommodate anyone different to them that want to share their thoughts? It always seems to be the haters that want various people, places sexualities, religions, etc banned or bombed that want to tell you about it.

It’s a lot like the builder we had here a few weeks ago who was telling me that “mongoloids” shouldn’t be allowed to “breed” because their all “criminals” and keeping them alive is a waste of “his” tax dollars.

Would these people actually be happy to see their tax dollars spent castrating the handicapped and murdering refugees?

R.I.C. - Rest In Concrete

2004-05-24T12:19:00.000+10:00

Over the weekend, in a discussion fuelled by mind altering substances a few friends and I were discussing death and what we would like to become of our corpses when we eventually part company with them.

Most seemed content to either be buried or cremated, cremation being the slightly more popular option. One guy wants to be stuffed and put on display somewhere - Preferably in a museum but failing that will settle for a pub or his families lounge room. He’s always been a little odd.

I have always thought being buried would be the go, there’s just something about being reduced to an urn full of ash that seems like your taking being dead a little too far. All this morbid discussion got me thinking more about what I would like to become of my fleshy vehicle when it finally packs it in.

Here’s what I’ve come up with; Give me the whole buried in a coffin, in a cemetery routine, y’know all normal like. The difference is I want the coffin filled with cement. Yep that’s right CEMENT!

My figuring is it will preserve my body so in thousands of years I can be dug up, chipped open and studied, or probed, or whatever those wacky, futuristic, archaeologists are into.

I will need to be propped up with some of those little plastic thingies concreters use to keep reo off the ground when pouring concrete. This is important to allow the cement to go underneath me I would hate my bum cheeks to be visible through the cement when they dig me up.

The concrete will keep those pesky maggots at bay and prevent anyone stealing my gold tooth. (I don’t actually have a gold tooth but I’m sure I will by the time I die).

Another thing I like about this idea is I will need about twenty pole bearers to carry the “One Tonne Coffin” and will cause a few back injuries for my mates to remember me by.

As the coffin is being lowered into the grave the ropes will probably snap which will be a right laugh and it’s not like it will hurt, I’ll be encased in concrete… and err, dead.

But the real brilliance in this plan is I can have an open casket funeral and it won’t be grose, or smelly. Everyone can approach the casket say a few last words and lovingly engrave their initials into the slab. If there is an afterlife this will allow me to spend it learning to read backwards and enjoying such sentiments as “DAVO WAZ ERE”. Certainly beats cards and flowers.

Paranoid Bullshit

2004-05-21T08:13:00.000+10:00

There seems to be a trait within our species; we tend to freak out whenever we get a little hindsight. When something bad happens we go to ridiculous and extreme measures to try and prevent it happening again.

Of course the greatest example of this is the reaction of the western world to the 9/11 terrorist attacks. This has caused such a paranoid frenzy that today, not even three years later; Australia finds itself involved in war, spending constantly increasing dollars on terrorist protection and the military. Airport security will not allow nail clippers onto a plane and we have some of our citizens jailed without charge (not to mention citizens of other countries we jail without charge).

Bali and Spain prove that these paranoid reactions will not prevent terrorism. If someone wants to kill, they ultimimatly will.

A few weeks ago I read in the paper that standards for bicycle helmets are to be changed to make helmet straps unclip when under pressure. The reason for this crazy idea is a tragic one. Apparently a small child playing on his bunk beds with his bike helmet on fell down the narrow gap between his top bunk and the bedroom wall. The helmet got stuck and he hung himself, and unfortunately died.

While this is very sad, it’s also an incredibly unusual occurrence and unlikely to ever happen again. Helmets are to protect people falling off bicycles and if they come off, they fail to serve the purpose and will cause more death and injury.

Rugby league has been through a massive sea of spew lately. Its image has been badly tarnished by rape allegations (which were dropped …very suspiciously). The NRL is now franticly trying to prove it cares about women and won’t let the player’s rape them anymore.

A couple of nights ago Mark Gasnier (A NSW Player) got A NSW team mate’s mobile phone and used it to leave a “sexually explicit” voice message on some woman’s phone.

In light of the turmoil that currently surrounds the game, Mark Gasnier has been stripped of his place in the NSW team as well as been fined and suspended indefinitely from his club team (St. George Illawarra). This was nothing more than a bad joke at a bad time. He is denied the greatest honour in Rugby League because the game happens to be in a state of paranoid hysteria and looking for people to blame.

The western world is so wrapt up in cotton wool that its almost totally protected from harm, and generally the only things left that actually kill us are cancer and the odd car accident.

It’s time to realise not everything can be prevented, and nothing can be prevented after it’s happened. Crazy knee jerk reactions won’t prevent anything. In these times of turmoil we need to reflect on a very wise slogan printed on t-shirt’s and bumper stickers all over the western suburbs – SHIT HAPPENS.

Roast

2004-05-20T14:29:00.000+10:00

I haven’t really covered this subject at length here on The Undie Run, but I only recently moved out of home. (Spare me the shit stirring; at least I’m out now).

After throwing myself out of the nest, do you think I plummeted into the hard, cold earth below? No. Not this little black duck! I’m soaring like an eagle, and currently live happily in more functional and hygienic surrounds than ever before.

I cook, I clean, I pay bills, and I’m a domestic champion. Last night, feeling that this is all a bit too easy, I decide I’m gonna cook me a roast.

I headed off to Coles, bought the necessary ingredients; a big chunk of cow, potatoes, carrots, pumpkin, nice bread and a colour TV.

By the way - Why does the supermarket sell televisions? Even more curiously why did I impulsively buy one? I guess the latter answers the former. And it was a bargain and I’ll watch it lots, or at least that was my internal reasoning at the time.

Now we've cleared that up... I have to say a roast is a pinch of piss to cook. You just throw everything into a big roasting-dish-pot-type-thing (one of which I happen to own) stick it in the oven then an hour-and-a-bit later get it out and eat it. Too easy.

The real advantage here is you’re not standing there stirring shit, which gives you more time to watch your new TV. The other benefit with a roast (and this is a biggie for me) is there is only one big roasting-dish-pot-type-thing to wash up afterwards, rather than a heap of saucepans, strainers, stirrers and assorted other stove crap.

Although, so busy was I eating like a king and watching my new TV that I forgot to put the bins out, So the side yard of my domestic wonderland will stink for the next week. Maybe I’m not quite the king of the domesticated lifestyle, but I do cook a mean roast.

Triple M Code words

2004-05-19T14:04:00.000+10:00

I admit my efforts to post all the Triple M code words, thus far has been nothing short of piss poor.

I have found a way to rectify this. You will notice a new link on the left (that’s your left, not the computers left) called “Triple M Code Words” This is a site doing the same thing as me, only more reliably. So from now on if I haven’t posted a code word, drop in and visit them, they should have it.

It’s all for you my readers.

Today’s cage code word is: marriage
Today’s work day code word is: edition

Congratulations JoJo

2004-05-18T09:12:00.000+10:00

Quick Congratulations to JoJo over at “The Purple Vagina Monologues”. She had her baby on Sunday. I was going to list the details (name, weight, etc.) but it’s her moment so I’m not going to go blabbing. The link to her blog is to the left.

While I’m sure this is a happy occasion for her and all concerned, I am left a little worried, wondering what will become of the baby blog that has become an essential part of my regular internet reading.

Hopefully She’ll commentate motherhood in the same fashion she commentated pregnancy – Brilliantly.

Congratulations JoJo

Sydney Rock City

2004-05-18T08:43:00.000+10:00

So I went to see Kiss last night. Allow me to re-phrase that; so I went to see what’s left of Kiss last night. Kiss has only two of the original band members left nowadays. While Singer, Paul Stanley and Bassist, Gene Simmons cling desperately to their glory days, The lead guitarist and the drummer have had the good sense and dignity to die, or something.

I’m not really much of a Kiss fan, my brother (whom I think was just looking for an excuse to wear make-up in public) bought me a ticket, and since Grinspoon and Machine Gun Felatio were the support bands I thought I’d go along. I missed most of MGF but Grinspoon rocked. Grinspoon have been going for a few years now and have enough great songs to do a first rate set. They play live flawlessly. I’ve never seen Grinspoon before and finally seeing them made me realise how much I like so many of their songs. Go and see Grinspoon, they’re tops!

Hang on, this was meant to be about Kiss….

Due to incompetent bar staff I was still buying beer as Kiss took the stage. I was ready to kill the old woman with the broken hearing aid and her little boy side-kick who didn’t speak or understand English, but eventually they managed to give me my overpriced beer and given the show had started, I didn’t cause a scene and headed inside.

The stage set up was awesome. Everything was black and chrome, my brother counted the amps – seventy-something in total, but it was later revealed that at least two of them were smoke machines disguised as amps. I suspect most of them were fake, but they still looked heaps cool.

They had more pyrotechnics than any concert I’ve ever been to. They had cameras filming live to four big screens above the stage (which was great, given the crapness of our seats). Gene Simmons flew up to on top of the lighting rig and did a song up there. Paul Stanley flew over the dance floor to a little stage in front of the sound guys and did a song there. The entire drum kit rose up into the lighting rig at another point. Performers take note; flying band members is totally cool!

Throughout the show they kept filming spunky girls who were dancing enthusiastically. It was obvious they were hoping for a bit of tits-out action. Congratulations to the one young lady who flashed her generous cans for the cams.

When Kiss said “last night we payed in Melbourne”, I was very amused, as I always am when a band does this, that the crowd responds with “BOOOO”. It’s like the battle for superiority that has been going on between the two cities for hundreds of years will be decided by who is louder at a Kiss concert.

I was offended that Paul Stanley said Sydney was just like Michigan. Michigan is a shit hole and Sydney is a beautiful city. Please don’t liken us to such a dirty, filthy, crime filled toilet of a place.

As they were bringing out the orchestra, Mr Stanley explained that classical music was cool and that there are only two types of music; good music and bad music, and these guys are really good. He then went on to say that they were now going to combine two types of music. Now, if they are going to combine two (the only two) types of music, and the orchestra plays good… Is he saying Kiss play bad music?

While were on the topic of the Orchestra and Paul Stanley’s poor command of the English language, he told us that we were fortunate to have musicians as talented as the Melbourne Symphony Orchestra right here in Australia, and we should be proud of ourselves. Now I’m happy to bask in a bit of pride and glory, but shouldn’t we be proud of the Orchestra, not proud of ourselves.

One last thought; is it just me or does Gene Simmons walk like Gordon Tallis? Maybe it’s just the heels. (Gene’s not Gordon’s)

All in all it was a great performance it had everything you’d want and could expect from a band like Kiss, or half of them at least.

By the Way, Triple M Cage Code Word - 18/05/04 - Battle

The Royal Wedding

2004-05-17T13:26:00.000+10:00

Apparently we now give a fuck about the Danish Monarchy. It seems that since a Tasmanian has married into their family we now love Denmark and (even more surprisingly) Tasmania.

We are so shallow. The rest of Australia has being trying to distance itself from Tasmania since the discovery of Bass Straight, but now that they have a celebrity with slightly more credibility than Reggie (who?) we are now embracing this state and even admitting its part of our country, not part of New Zealand like we usually claim.

So I watched most of the wedding, cause… well…hmm, I don’t really have an excuse do I?

Anyway, the thing that really got my attention was the amount of medals royal men wear. What did they do to earn these medals? I can’t imagine Frederick is a war hero, or even his school high jump champion. So, why all the medals? I think they must just buy them, in which case they must wear them with an incredible feeling of pride.

The royal women don’t wear medals, I’d assume this is because they don’t have any, because, well, they’re women and royals are pretty modern like that. The women do make up for their lack of medals with serious amounts of chunky bling bling. So I guess it all works out.

Something that made me laugh was the royal men wearing swords. This is obviously due to the heightened fear of terrorism that’s engulfing the world. So if terrorist’s try to attack the wedding, and get past the security barriers, the hundreds of police and the guards surrounding the church they will be swiftly defeated by Fredrick and his fellow swordsmen. Yes sir, security is tight!

I must mention the English Royals; they obviously really give a toss about the marriage, because they sent along massive representation in the form of Prince Andrew. Wow. Big effort guys.

An odd thing was that there were heaps of people in the crowd waving Australian flags; this is odd because she’s not Australian anymore. She had to renounce her Australian Citizenship (which only shits me a little bit)

One more thing, it’s great that the bride and groom are not blood relatives but Tasmanians are famous for being inbred. Royals are famous for being inbred. I bet no one ever thought these two groups of inbreds would actually inter-breed. It now looks pretty certain. Should make for some real freaky-two headed-inbred-kids

Anyway, good luck to them. Hopefully this will mean poor dead Diana will be left alone by women’s magazines.

Triple M Code Words

2004-05-17T10:56:00.000+10:00

The Triple M Freq Club code words for Monday 17/05/04 -

Cage Code Word: Grace
Workday Code Word: Grammar

Triple M Code Words

2004-05-14T08:45:00.000+10:00

Triple M Listeners will be familiar with the “Freq Club” and “Daily Code Words”. These things, for the uneducated, are part of an ongoing promotion designed to make you listen to the radio station around the clock, under the false hope you will be rewarded with prizes.

I played for a while, then tried to claim one of the “prizes” and realized they are dodgy bastards and simply having enough code words won’t get you jack-diddley. That just allows you to enter the competitions.

This is a big pile of the brown stuff because any other radio station will let anyone just enter any competition, regardless of how many code words they have or haven’t collected.

Anyway, I’ve given up on the stupid promotion, but I still happen to listen to the station quite a bit, therefore I get quite a few of the code words. As my little fuck you to the folks at Triple M I’m gonna put all the code words I get on this here blog! Feel free to get in on the fun by leaving any code words you may hear in the comments.

The real advantage in this is to you, the punters who read this blog (or will hopefully start reading any day now) cause you get the code words without having to listen to Triple M. To make it even easier for you (gee I’m nice) I’ll link Triple M so you can come here get the code words and then quickly duck over to Triple M to enter them, having never turned on the radio. If people ever start reading this blog Triple M are gonna be royally pissed off!

Today’s Cage Code Word is: Zebra

Waxing

2004-05-13T08:40:00.000+10:00

I have very recently moved into a rental place with one of my best mates. He is a great bloke and a loyal and decent mate. We've been friends for years.

Hopefully this post won't change all that.

He is a hairy beast. Well, not so much a beast, more just hairy. Very hairy. Chest and stomach somewhat resembling the Amazon, and his back is catching up.

It was a pre-requisite of me sharing a residence with him that he got waxed. Seriously. My reasoning for this condition was simple. He is a pubic nightmare in the bathroom. Going in after him, there is hair on the floor, in the basin, in the shower recess, EVERYWHERE!!! Waxing was the only option. He nervously agreed, saying it was probably the best solution.

After me doing yet another round of "the bathrooms vulgar, when are you getting waxed?" he suddenly sprung from his seat, returning armed with the phone and a brochure for some beauty parlor. He took a deep breath before ringing the phone number on the brochure. The conversation, from his side, went something like this (throughout most the conversation I was, understandably pissing myself laughing)

Ummmm... hello, do you do men's waxing?

Can I get one?

Back, stomach and chest. And shoulders too.

Do many guys get it done?

Ok cool, and do you rub oil or something in? (What does he think this is a rub and tug?)

Does it hurt? (Derrrr!)

Will... like... a girl do it?

Oh Ok. Phew.

He then went on to make an appointment.

The appointment rolled around a few days later, and he must have been thinking this was some sort of sexual encounter because he showered and got all dressed up in his best "smart casual" gear. With one exception - given that he isn't a teenager, he doesn't get into the exposed boxer shorts thing. But eager to impress the poor girl who was soon to be logging his out-of-control body hair, he decided that the exposed boxer look would be an impressive one. Now this look involves two aspects. 1) Boxers up about 3 inches above the waistline. 2) Jeans down about 3 inches below the waistline. Result is about six inches of exposed underwear. My good flatmate doesn't do the whole oversized baggy Jeans thing, so he just jacked the boxers up ridiculously high.

Now obviously (to me anyway) the wax girl isn't going to start pulling down his underwear. So the result of his waxing experience is a belt of fur about one inch below his bellybutton.

He is now forced to do the exposed underwear thing 24-7 to cover this ridiculous look.

I piss myself laughing thinking about the reaction of the next poor girl who hops in the sack with him

Call Off The Search Party!

2004-05-11T14:04:00.000+10:00

It’s OK, I’m not dead! I just spent the weekend the same way I spend most weekends - severely intoxicated, and then spent the early part of the week the same way I usually do - recovering from the said intoxication. One of the many negative side effects of this is that I can’t focus on a monitor, or anything else for that matter between Friday and Monday evening’s.

I must admit, this is going to have a negative impact on my blog. I must also admit it isn’t really going from strength to strength anyway. Due to the latter of my admissions, I don’t really give a fuck about the former. If you want that to change, please leave a comment, the competitions still running.

City vs. Country

2004-05-07T10:11:00.000+10:00

The annual City vs. Country Rugby League clash is on tonight. For those who don’t know, this is a representative game of Rugby League, that’s primary purpose is to display the talent of the potential NSW State of Origin players to the selectors.

I love my rugby league and will enjoy watching the game tonight, but unlike the State of Origin, I don’t give that much of a shit about it and don’t really support either team. I’m from the outer suburbs of Sydney. So who do I go for? I don’t consider myself a “City” or “Country” boy. Who to go for? Who cares?

On The Footy Show last night, they were trying to hype it up and get some support for the match. Throughout their coverage I learned a few interesting things…

The Country Logo is basically the VB Logo. I know them country folk love a beer and I also see the need for sponsorship, but this is the team’s emblem. This is their identifying symbol, their flag if you will. And it’s a Beer Logo? Some things - not many, but some- should be sacred.

They sent the teams out on a PR mission to meet their fans through the week. Good Idea. They sent the country team to Armidale, fair enough, Armidale’s a country town. Appropriate. They sent the city team to Mudgee. The “CITY” team to “MUDGEE”!!! What’s with that? I wonder if they’ll send the NSW team to Brisbane to drum up the fan base.

Funnily enough, they have allowed several Bulldogs players into the teams. This is interesting because for all other representative football no Bulldogs players are making the teams for one of two possible reasons 1)cause their not good enough, cause their only, like... 1st on the ladder! Or 2) cause everyone still reckons they are a pack of gang rapists? Either or.

A couple of weeks ago, there was an Australia vs. New Zealand Test match. All players who played in that game have been excluded from the City vs. Country Match. This leaves the very best players out of the game; it also puts in a bunch that really isn’t good enough. If the game is to be viewed as a credible representative game, we really need to have the best players playing.

That’s all. No point, no purpose, just some random observations and thoughts.

Work in The USA

2004-05-06T08:24:00.000+10:00

What’s with these fucking Americans? I thought we were on pretty good terms with them. Weren’t we one of only two countries stupid enough to help out in their war on musli… err, I mean “terrorism”? Despite this fantastic relationship we are supposed to have, I can’t get a shitty casual job in their stupid country.

Ya see, I’ve been putting some thought into doing a spot of globetrotting. So I thought, I’ll go to the states for a few months and get a fun little job, pulling beers or something. I start looking into doing this and find that it is illegal for foreigners to get work in the USA. There are some exceptions - like if you’re Russel Crow, but not if you’re Molly Meldrum.

It seems that the United States, in their almighty wisdom, figure that if they allow backpackers and travellers to pick up work while visiting the states, it will take jobs away from American citizens and the travellers will send the earned money home to their own country. This will obviously destroy the American economy and drive the entire country into poverty and desolation.

My Plan to see the states, on a financial level involves me leaving Australia with about ten or fifteen grand (that I earned in Australia), hitting New York, and - pissing it all against a wall. I would then get a job to allow me to continue - pissing money against a wall. If things got tight, I’d call home and have my parents send money - to piss against a wall. When I had exhausted all avenues for drinking money, I’d go home with no money and lots of stories to tell about how fantastic the USA is.

I’d of thought this would be good for the American economy. As you can see, my plans involve bringing lots of money into the country and leaving it there. It also involves me having a job and paying tax (contributing to the economy) and my mere presence creates more jobs (at bars, McDonalds, tourist attractions, etc.).

I could understand Australia complaining about the effect on its economy, and my liver has even greater cause for concern, but America? I just don’t get it.

Stupid Paranoid Pricks!

The Apprentice

2004-05-05T10:53:00.000+10:00

The Apprentice started in Australia last night and I didn't watch it. However, this morning I did do a google search on "The Apprentice" and in about ten seconds knew who the winner was. It was William "Bill" Rancic. A White Male, who would've thought?

BB4 - 03/05/04

2004-05-04T10:00:00.000+10:00

Well, we had our first daily show last night, a one hour special no less. Gretel was even hosting. Theme music is the same tune, but a little different. Stupid Lego type men are still there. Mike Goldman is still narrating. I have a strange craving for a KFC Twister.

(Disclaimer - I should warn you that, in these early stages I will regularly change my opinions on various housemates as they prove themselves to be morons)

Ok, I’d like to take back what I said yesterday about Igor being evicted first. He’s still a dick, but Aphrodite is possibly the most annoying stupid little cow to ever enter the house!

Can’t we just have an eviction now?

It’s like Anita crossed with Irena (2 people who were evicted at the fist opportunity). “If you knew half the shit in my life” C’mon you silly mole, get over yourself!

She said from the moment she met everyone she could tell by their greeting who was “genuine” and who wasn’t. Fuck off. How do you fake a hello, you stupid judgemental skank? She’s made instant decisions on who to get along with (the wogs) and who not to (everyone else) and now she’s upset because everyone isn’t desperately trying to be her friend. Suck shit I say. I hope she loses it and walks Belinda style. If she hangs around she should be first evicted, to shamefully return to her crappy life.

Unfortunately this year, unlike last year, I have a job and therefore can’t watch Up-late as it runs during two of the measly five hours I am asleep. It is quite possible that, as Big Brother consumes me, my work will slide to a point where I am fired and can watch Up-late. Here’s hoping.

In the mean time lets just assume that they were all asleep and Mike spent two hours awkwardly trying to host nothing other than a couple of ridiculous word games that don’t even try to relate to the show. If anything more interesting happened, let me know.

Big Brother 4

2004-05-03T10:02:00.000+10:00

Its that time of year again, when I take up dope, regularly buy NW magazine, gossip and bitch like a woman and come hell or high water are in front of the TV every night at seven.

Only this year I have a new place to do the aforementioned gossiping and bitching.

I must confess that while reality TV generally isn’t my thing, I am an incredibly sad and devoted fan of Big Brother. To the point I have watched and loved every series, watching virtually every minute put to air. Furthermore, I have made the hike up to the Gold Coast to view each finale first hand. It is by far, my favourite television show.

I do consider myself something of an expert, so if anyone ever finds this site, feel free to ask any questions on any of the past or present series’ or housemates.

On with the post…

The first thing I noticed was that they decided to hold the show in the Amphi Theatre for the first time. I think this may have something to do with the fact it absolutely pissed down rain last year, totally screwing up the whole show.

As Gretel entered I assumed the surprise had been announced. Lady’s and Gentlemen, the big surprise is… “Gretel’s had her tits done”

Strangely enough this was not the surprise. The surprise was that the winner will not get two-fiddy, they will now get a cool million. As Gretel made the announcement and said “One Million Dollars” everyone in my house immediately did the Dr Evil pinky finger to the mouth thing, it was quite a moment.

Seriously, after all the build up to it with adds saying things like “Will it effect the way the housemates vote?” and “Will it effect the way the housemates interact?” it was a bit lame that the surprise won’t effect ANYTHING at all, other than the winners bank balance. Mind you Big Brother has disappointed me several times before with big build ups to nothing, so for me the surprise was that there actually was a surprise.

I reckon they should have waited to get a few ratings results in before they went and put another $750k on the line, just a thought. I also think they should tell the housemates. For two-fiddy no one’s really there for the money. For a million, I think everyone would be in it to win it. I imagine they will tell them at a later date, when they want to drum up some ratings and media attention.

I love this year’s house. Fewer and bigger rooms are a great idea. Last years house was shit. The Gym is a good inclusion. It saves everyone pumping cordial bottles and turning the grass into mud as they run little laps around the yard. The spa is now indoors (ish) to encourage everyone to use it in all weather. As Aphrodite danced on the “disco floor” I wondered if they thought to install cameras in it. Guess we’ll find out in un-cut. One bedroom and not enough beds, fair enough. Central shower, yeah cool. Retro style, why not. Touch pad diary room entry, oooo space age. Green kitchen, whatever.

I think last year they varied the theme a bit too much, and with audiences currently over dosing on reality television they wouldn’t have gotten away with that shit this year. Its good to see this year they seem to be back to the basic and original format, only real difference is the extra two people. I’d say they’ll still have intruders; they just want to drag the show on for a bit longer.

Anyway, I did a little survey at my place at the conclusion of the show and our panel of four decided that the eviction order (first to last out) will go as follows:

Igor
Kane
Krystal
Terri
Aphrodite
Bree
Elle
Wesley
Catherine
Ashlwhatever
Ryan
Merlin
Paul
Trevor

I am pretty confident we got first and last right. Igor is just a dick. Very Carlo. Trevor has everything it takes to win this. He’s not smart or good looking, which is good, jealousy drives votes. He’s funny, he’s real, and seems pretty devoted to his girlfriend and his ugliness should ensure he won’t have an opportunity to cheat. All of this will wash well with the public. Good luck to him.

It’s hard to imagine the top 4 all being male, but the girls all seem so piss-poor. Last year Jo proved that great tit’s won’t get you across the line… well, not with the viewers anyway.

I’m always amazed with how these people interact at the very start; kisses, cuddles and complements like crazy. If I met someone for the first time and they hugged and kissed me, told me they loved my clothes, hair and piercing, then told me we’d be friends forever. I would seriously distrust and dislike them. Shamelessly crawling up people’s arses won’t work real well. Oh well, I guess they are just playing the game, I just thought by series four they’d be better at it.

The Milkshake Song

2004-04-29T16:26:00.000+10:00

I was just over at urban dictionary.com doing the random words thing. I got “Milkshake”

Once upon a time a milkshake was a drink, made of milk, ice-cream and flavouring. It would seem since the release of the Milkshake song, by Kelis, (you know the one; “My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard”) this word has attracted a lot of attention and it seems to have been decided by many that there must be a new definition that is more suitable to the theme of the song.

I guess the notion of the neighbours coming over for a drink isn’t as plausible as a que of blokes in her front garden awaiting blow jobs.

Blowjobs, while common, aren’t the only possibilities. There are a few other themes that are repeated a few times. The most common are women’s bodies and how they carry them, women’s breasts – especially when breast feeding and women’s genitals and the fluids they produce.

I don’t know what Kelis intended this stupid song or the term milkshake to mean, but a trip over to urban dictionary.com to see the possible definitions is quite a laugh. It also shows Kelis and her fans are at the very least on a similar intellectual wavelength.

Here are some of the definitions that didn’t quite fit in with the common themes

“when a girl eats too many brownies and then she jumps up and down 4 times and feels them in her belly”

“I say that a milkshake is nothing but the pelvic thrusts of an urgent antelope incognito.”

“Semen and other flavorings mixed into a fuid which someone can drink.”

“When you shake a guys nads back and forth and give him a nadshake if you will.”

Despite having read all thirty-eight of the possibilities listed, I think the weirdest and most ridiculous definition is one described to me by my younger brother. He claims a “Milkshake” is, get this – when a guy puts his donger in a milkshake (like, the drink) and his partner blows bubbles into it through the straw, which he apparently is meant to get off on.

My question, in response to this was – why wouldn’t he just use a blender?

Win A Prize!

2004-04-29T08:42:00.000+10:00

We here, perched high in The Undie Run Tower are into our forth day of business and are really starting to sweat. We may have had up to two visitors at the site, although I think they were probably just me. Either way, comments are what it’s all about, and we are still on zero. (Except of course the one I made to make sure they work).

I won’t deny being disappointed with this pitiful launch, but we won’t be broken. When the going gets tough, the tough get going! And so do we!

I am therefore going to implement one of the many genius ideas I have! Here’s how it works… The first person to leave a comment wins a prize!!! I will allow the first person who leaves a comment to write their very own post. Any comment on any post, you leave it and I’ll give you the prestigious honour of being a contributor to The Undie Run. In years to come this will be a fantastic claim to fame. You will also receive a certificate you can put in your CV.

I really don’t want to go slutting around to other blogs shamelessly scabbing links so hopefully this incredible competition will encourage a bit of traffic. If I still have no comments in a couple of days, I will probably begin the scabbing.

However, I do have a few other clever ideas I may try….

I could become a spam peddler. Offer people, via email things like “Hot and Horny Teens” “Holiday Prizes” and “Free Viagra” and just link to here. Once here, the punter would be so impressed with the site that they would quickly forget about their failing libido as they quickly became engrossed in the writing genius that is The Undie Run.

Another option for getting a bit of traffic is if I go around being a prick in forums and chat rooms, and having the offended folk chase me home. Turn up at a Michael Jackson fan site, give my URL and tell everyone he’s a kiddie felching fuck-knuckle, or something along those lines.

Or I could do a real life undie run through The Pitt St Mall with www.theundierun.blogspot.com printed across my hot arse. Joe Public’s eyes would be immediately drawn to my aforementioned arse, noticing the web address and wanting to see more of the good stuff they would immediately rush home to look up the site!

Any comments on any of the above ideas would be appreciated (and could win you the competition) any of your own idea’s to drum a bit of traffic would be great too.

The Controversial 400m Freestyle

2004-04-28T09:01:00.000+10:00

Craig Stevens has officially given his place in the 400m Freestyle at the Athens games to the much faster Ian Thorpe.

I congratulate Stevens for making such a noble and selfless sacrifice. Good on him for making a few bucks in the process too. It is however, disappointing that the media put so much pressure on him to do so.

Thorpe should be the one swimming. He is the best swimmer in the world. In the 400m freestyle, he is the world record holder and Olympic gold medallist. He has won this event every time he has swum it for over six years. He will do so again in Athens.

The real issue seems to have been missed though. The real issue is the flawed selection process. If this situation occurs again, the pressure will again be on an individual athlete to make that incredible sacrifice.

Australian Swimming has a responsibility to come up with a selection process that is fair and sees the best possible team representing Australia, which our current process evidently does not achieve.

If our selection process denies anyone with a history like Thorpe’s the right to compete, especially over such a minor technicality, there is a major problem with the process and the process needs to be reviewed. I hope Australian Swimming can wake up and smell the gold.

Everything aside, wouldn’t it be funny if Thorpe false started at Athens?!?!?

Oh Dear!

2004-04-27T14:19:00.000+10:00

I don't want to throw in the towel prematurely but the fact I haven't had a single visitor yet is a little discouraging. I thought people would flock in in droves to see The Undie Run. I am worried that just writing this post is a sign of insanity. Given that no one is reading it, I am clearly talking to myself. Does that make me crazy? Who am I asking???

You can see this isolation is starting to effect me, if you have wandered in, please leave a comment... It could be the only thing that saves me!!!

Progress

2004-04-27T11:32:00.000+10:00

OK, we've had some major developments here at Undie Run Central. You will notice we now have a functioning comments thingo. We can also boast a site meter, however we can't really boast the (slightly disappointing) number on it. That's Ok though its still early days, and if your reading this, things must be picking up.

The other big addition is the Links. Our links column is still a little short, and just includes a few sites that are there purely for my personal convenience. I do however encourage everyone to visit The Spin Starts Here and The Purple Vagina monologues, as these two brilliant blogs were the major inspiration for this humble (by comparison) effort.

The Spin Starts Here is by far my favorite. It is run by Caz of Melbourne. Caz and a few of her friends do an amazing job of taking the piss out of a variety of things that desperately deserve it. It's full of strong opinions and wicked writing, it's absolutely brilliant and incredibly funny.

The Purple Vagina Monologues isn't some seedy porn site. It is a pregnancy blog of JoJo, a Pommy. JoJo's account of her pregnancy is a light hearted interesting and often amusing read. She, like Caz, is a brilliant writer. She is into her 38th week, and I'm not sure if it will continue after the birth. Hope so.

I imagine I'll soon be inundated with requests to include various sites in this prestigious list, as this will no doubt become a who's who of the World Wide Web. At this early stage I can't see why we would knock anyone back (providing you'll return the favor). So if you want your site included, just let me know. But be warned, we will ditch and forget you when we reach the big time!

Stay tuned for futher developments.

This Sucks

2004-04-26T23:41:00.000+10:00

I'm trying to set up this friggin blog. Not being a champion computer nerd, I'm finding it rather difficult to make it do the damn things I want it to. I would ask my army of readers (that's no doubt well into the millions by now) to leave some technical tips in the comments, but I can't set up a comments leaving thingo. So, I guess I'll have to nut it out myself. Tomorrow.

Welcome

2004-04-26T22:48:00.000+10:00

Welcome to "The Undie Run", the new blog of (the soon to be legendary) Zundie.

An undie run is a sprint through a public or populated place wearing nothing but your underwear. An undie run is a revealing, shameless and immature form of self expression. I see this blog as being the written equivalent.